Okay, perhaps I shall restart this blog. Well, as I was notified before, I had the tendency of getting emotional on some moments, and it was only after some messages from some people that I decided to just remove the frustrations from the blog.

But perhaps frustrations should not be denied as much. I mean, I won't discuss them elaborately now, as in what ticks me off, and what is causing me problems, and all the things I miss. Nah. No need to do that. I think it's much better to discuss how to deal with frustrations. Perhaps being abroad is a way that you truly learn more about the world. Of course, I learn some computer things. And of course I am improving my Chinese (shame on most of my Chinese colleagues for only speaking in English!).

But perhaps I am building personality. Perhaps, you know, I learn the value of attitute now. The value of taking action if something is displeasing me. The value of not being scared to work (believe me, that's something I experience. And I am not the only one, although people would rather call it lazyness to hide their fears), but taking action. You see, I have made a planning of things I can do until the end of December. That's my plan, and hopefully the next resident teacher shall agree with it. I have a feeling somewhere that most of the work I could complete in 1 week. But it takes just guts to just start typing and see how far I can get.

Being abroad is more a struggle with your attitute. There are 4 phases of adapting to a new culture: phase 1: OMG ITS ALL NEW AWESOME!!!! and phase 2: OMG I MISS THIS AND I HATE EVERYTHING. Phase 3: Hmm, I guess I should do it like this. And finally phase 4: 'Heh, it's funny to see how they do it all that way'. And perhaps phase 5. Perfect integration.

Not that I even am in phase 5 in holland :P But, it's a struggle. Sometimes it feels like I'm in heaven, that I'm free, that I'm in asia, in a dreamland, in a place with lots of opportunities. And there are times when I feel imprisoned: away from my dutch friends, family, and cannot go there. And I just have to accept it all; it's part of the being abroad experience. It's part of getting just out of your comfort zone. I mean, I'm not saying the Comfort Zone is a bad thing, but it's bad to stay there all the time. I (and I think I am not the only one) am just too much in it. Yea, even in Egypt I was mainly in my comfort zone. I am not scared to try to eat something new. It's part of me. Seeing new things, walking around, wandering around. But to me ittakes guts just to go to a person I don't know or hardly know and even just say 'hi'.

But when you leave everything you have behind, the consequences of not doing things, well... they are harsh. Especially since you are for a limited amount of time abroad, because you don't have much time. You have to seize the day. And now that I think longer about it , I guess living abroad means living a life within a life, I guess. For when I quit with Check-IT, I guess it's kinda like dying. You leave the place where you belonged for a while. Sure you can keep some contacts. But it won't ever be the same.

So I (and you) should seize the day more. It takes energy. But once you're dead, once you're gone. The things you had to do, the things you wanted to do, well... tough luck. Maybe you'll get a second chance later. But as the future is equally uncertain as your experience after death, you shouldn't count on it.

Oh, and it's less than 100 days till I'm back on dutch soil. What will you do?